Hello alone

In dreams of cotton candy reality
We play in neon colored jell-o
And skate on frozen chocolate rivers.
In a place where life is a game,
The point is to have fun,
Not worry about weather to change or stay the same.

Here you’ll find your smiling face
I’ll find my self-esteem.
I’ll be your obnoxious, naive Queen.
You’ll be my indifferent King.
We can stay here if you so choose.

Though one day, the reality will set in.
The real one this time.
Even though things look better here
There is a time for this lie
But always a time to go home.

I think I may hesitate here
Because I know it is harder there.
Though it is fighting and trying
That make it worth our while.
And though I could not ask;
I would want you to wait.
But I always make any choice too late.

Truly, I am not needed here
It is just a way of running away
Because I am too scared to stay
With you in your cold, harsh, reality.

You’re my favorite chocolate covered strawberries
Laced with any kind of toxic glucose
And I cannot deny that it is gross.
But I will keep eating though I know what you are.
Because you are too great to pass up
Despite the after throw up.
There is a reason I should run
But frozen caramel keeps me here and warm
Transfixed by your ever present storm.

So I will wait in my brightly lit Ferris wheel.
I’ll save a seat for you and you poison
To come and finish the job.
I will stay permanently here
In my candy coated reality.

gottaspendsometimelove asked: If I told you your beautiful would you accept the compliment?

Yes, my love.

I hate the fact that you hardly know me at all but that, of course, is mostly my fault. It seems as though you gave up trying to know me some years ago and only recently started again. I was so happy. Ever the fool that I am. The girl I am with you is hopelessly obsessed with the loss of your affection and you cannot give her the closure she needs so I am done with her. I am killing her and going back to how it was before when I was satisfied and thrilled to be considered someone you talked to. Back when I truly believed that you did not like me at all. I do not know why that changed in the first place and I suppose that it does not matter now because, this time, I am firmly believing in the fact that you will never like me again. You and I will never ever be together. We will never be together. You will never love me the same as I love you. Your feelings are flaky and wishy washy. I know that you will look out for me and you will never seriously physically hurt me. I know that you will take care of my car when you have it and I know that you will be there for me. I know that you will never love me. That is that, without a doubt. You will never be with me and that is okay. With this understanding, we can work towards a better friendship. I will no longer do things in hopes of you one day choosing me because that day will never come. I will never accept “love” again. It is only a dream that is nice while it lasts but can never be truly achieved, let alone, kept. It never gets better in real life. If I happen to slip in that belief, I will deny it and I will ignore the subject of said love feeling. It will go away with time. I will also continue to never have sex with anyone, ever. You are the only person that I truly trusted to wrap me up in your arms and to be so close to me. Perhaps, I should not have held back as I did, maybe things would be different. I was afraid. I am always afraid, like a rabbit. Or maybe I got comfortable and took it for granted. What’s done is done. You and I will never ever be together ever. But I will always be by your side.